Kink Movement Desensitisation & Reprocessing (KMDR™ )
What is KMDR™ ?
KMDR™ is a creation of my own and works along similar principles to those of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing)*. It is an informed activity that is entered into consensually and intentionally. In KMDR™ we are intentionally opening pathways to the unconscious and welcoming loosely associated memories, or order to change our relationship with a specific, or more generalised, troublesome life experience.
It can be used to process trauma or grief. It can be used to embed a more positive frame (within EMDR this is known as RDI – resource development and installation). It can be used to bring fresh insights to troublesome / stuck situations, or a greater sense of freedom from situations plagued with resentment or frustration.
Recipients will often report a sense of greater distance from the troublesome issue they came with, or they express feelings of greater acceptance. There can be greater compassion for their own role in the past experience (usually that they are not to blame), and a sense of ‘completeness’.
I mostly use it use as a stand-alone modality / experience. With care it can be incorporated into a larger BDSM or kink ‘scene’.
Who is it for?
People who find flogging, or their chosen kink-type touch with bi-lateral stimulation e.g. nipple play, genital torture, spanking, bastinado, electro play, play piercing etc, resourcing rather than challenging.
People with sufficient existing resources to take care of themself after a powerful emotional experience / catharsis. If we are not previously known to one another I advise preliminary sessions; these can be in person or online somatic enquiries.
With my background in somatic sexology I will often use intentional breath, touch, and sound (as well as taste and smell sometimes!) as part of the way I engage in kink play and BDSM. In the context of KMDR™ these are each helpful to keep us both regulated and co-regulating as we process thoughts, emotions, imagery etc.
In combination with other somatic, therapeutic and practice based interventions, KMDR™ can hold a special place of ritualistic consolidation for some people.
What are contraindications to KMDR™ ?
Abreaction (an intense emotional reaction) is possible in situations where the recipient is a survivor of major or multiple trauma.
I am not afraid of abreaction – your intense emotional experience is welcome, and I have considerable experience holding space for big emotions. However, I do not advocate for use of cathartic experience as a fast track to transformational growth. Transformation is usually slow work. While individuals can experience immense emotional and spiritual shifts through cathartic experiences, these are often short lived.
Being unfamiliar with kink and your chosen bi-lateral stimulation is inadvisable.
Some health issues, specific to certain types of touch / set up, might require specific risk management.
What does a session look like?
We arrive and get into our bodies, same as we would for any session, and have a chat about what’s coming up today.
If we haven’t worked this way together before then we’ll discuss what kinds of touch are resourcing, what images are comforting, what words help ground you, and other ways to bring groundedness to your being in times of stress.
We’ll discuss what memory or intention you’re bringing into the session. If we are working with a disturbing memory then we’ll get a ‘reading’ or ‘level’ of intensity that the memory, thought, image induces when brought to mind.
We’ll agree on ways to communicate levels of intensity and other language that may be useful to change the experience as we go.
We’ll review these every session, even if we’ve worked together many times, although we can often move through the above quickly once a trusting relationship between us is established.
When we’re ready, we can begin the ‘processing part’ of the session. This will last between 15 and 45 minutes.
We bring the session to a close with some time in stillness, called integration, and then some time to discuss what you’re taking away, and ensure that you are grounded and ready to leave.
Sessions are 1.5 hours long and attract a $500 fee. Booking unavailable online, please contact me on jules@senseyouall.com
*What is EMDR?
Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a form of psychotherapy designed to help people heal from emotional distress and trauma. It uses bi-lateral (two sides) stimulation to help integrate left mode and right mode processing in the brain. The story goes that Francise Shapiro was walking in the woods in 1987, disturbed by uncomfortable emotions, and noticed that her eyes flicking back and forth (as a result of the light shining through the canopy) seemed to lessen her feelings of distress. It would take many years of study and testing before she launched her practice to the world of psychotherapy, and many more after that for some major players in trauma and neuroscience would get on board. These days EMDR is widely accepted to be a very effective treatment for trauma without needing to go deep into a ‘logical narrative’.
Is KMDR™ more effective than EMDR?
I do not have the resources to conduct scientific studies on the efficacy of KMDR™ (yet!). And I’m not sure it will ever be useful to make a comparison.
I do wonder though, that the reason it appears to be so effective relates to the important roles that agency, bodily autonomy, and deliberate engagement play in change and trauma processing.
Those of us who engage in alternative activities, such as kink play, know that agency and bodily autonomy come with the territory; and we’re here for it! I believe a self-selected interest in KMDR™, and the ritual that accompanies that, play a big part in why people love it.
Another reason I believe it could be more effective is that people elect to participate in kink because they feel safe there, it is built into the play. Psychological safety is imperative for trauma processing that is not retraumatising, and the act of visiting a regular therapist with the intent to process trauma could be more intimidating than visiting a trusted KMDR™ practitioner.
Could I learn how to use KMDR™ ?
I studied EMDR with the London School of Clinical Communication and Hypnotherapy in 2021 and have been using it in its traditional form with clients since that time. I have since thought very carefully and experimented with known and trusted friends and clients to explore the techniques and adapt accordingly.
I am in the process of developing a training for those wishing to utilise what I have learned in their personal or professional life. Watch this space!